a fast one

The holidays are just around the corner, I really don't consider Thanksgiving "the holidays" and they are coming so quickly. I say quickly because I am not ready for them. I still have so much to do and get in order before the 2010. Oh boy another year change. I wanna say I'll feel old as soon as New Year's event get old to me. I'm not saying this is the year for it to feel old. I just feel like it's the start of that.

Work has so busy lately. We've been swamped with banquets, company parties and private parties for the holidays. If I'm still alive at the end of all this, I may have lost my feet. There is just so much standing and walking and standing and walking quickly, things to do and people to serve. I really enjoy my job, the experience is different everyday, I get to talk to different people everyday and there's always food around; the beauty of the restaurant industry.

Given our busy-ness, my weeks are sometimes less fun than previous weeks. For instance, we had just finished a private party for about 50 people and were about done cleaning up. After we were done cleaning we went ahead and stayed an extra 45 mins to set up for the next party in that particular room, which was the next day I believe. Well we show up the next day only to find out that they cancelled that morning. We stayed extra time to set up and make things easier only to have to dismantle it for the next party. Pure frustration.

I was just thinking while writing this how far I've come. Only a year ago I was finishing up my first senior semester, going home for Christmas and had totally different friends. Who knew I would be where I am today. I was trying to point to where it began to change; I've got it narrowed down to a particular night. A night to which I was only invited to an hour before it started, thank you very much Mr. Lynch. We were just going to watch some of those classic Christmas clay-mation movies because a particular person had never seen them. Amazing how sometimes the smallest things can lead to the biggest changes. I think that was when things began to change. That was when the domino effect began.

"I love kids. They're short, highly emotional people who don't know anything. They rely on their creativity and imagination to get by in this world. A world, I might add, filled with giants. An amazing feat."

-Arlen Faber, "The Answer Man"

Just Too Much

Before I get started, I need to get things into the correct order.

First off, I moved. My old house was...well had a mold problem. Everyone knows that mold is a silent killer. So we had to get out of there. Which I was more than ok with. The new place is quite nice compared to the old actually. It has many features the old one did not have. Like, carpet, a dishwasher and the best part, central heating and air. It's smaller than the old place but like I said, it's a lot nicer.

Well now there's a funny part to it. I didn't know we were moving until about 2 days before our deadline. Explanation, Thursday afternoon is when I got the "we're moving" call. And by Friday night/Saturday morning, we were all moved in. As my roommate describes it; "It feels like armageddon is coming and we're only one's who know about it" (referring to the fact that we were moving very quickly). Anywho, we moved successfully and quickly. And people should visit.

In other odd news: I got a call a couple of days ago from an old acquaintance from about 3 years who I talked to for about 20 mins. I was his son's counselor at Kanakuk for a summer. He happens to be the CEO and President of a particular humanitarian aid group out of Phoenix. Well his call happened to be about a position he had open and was curious about my interest in doing it. Just to describe the position a little bit, he travels quite a bit being the CEO of the company needs a travel assistant to accompany him and help with schedule and paperwork issues.

He offered me the position which would require/allow me to travel with him. He travels about 100 days a year all over globe. So if I were to accept it, I could possibly see 6 continents in 6 months. All his previous travel assistants have been promoted to director positions overseas. As exciting as all that sounds, there are things that scare me. Like that I would have to move to Phoenix and I would have to raise quite a bit of support. I know raising the support is not impossible at all but the moving to Phoenix thing does not excite me at all. There's a thing or two I just do not want to move further away from.

Lately I've taken a lot of leaps at things I wouldn't normally leap at. Compared to the other things I taken that chance on, this seems more like a risk and less of a sure thing. I'm really not a jumper or risk taker so to have this happen is just really tiring to me. It's too much for my brain to take at once. I've already gone the people I trust the most about their advice and support on this so this isn't the first I'm sharing of it. I don't wish it would go away but just another time would be great. Well, time for Connor to grow up...

So that has been my normal and exciting week. I'm not sure if I would hope for another though. It's a lot to take in at once.

Oh and I'm really wanting this week to be short.

...for walking through

Well it's been awhile since my post. I'll be honest, I was happily detained that time with good friends and entirely too much traveling. I'll try not too leave out any pertinent details. But I must warn you, some things may have happened 4 weeks ago and sometimes I don't remember things. I do remember the good things that happened though.

Ok so after figuring out where to start with all this, I've realized not much happened those first 2 weeks. All the good stuff happened the recent 2 weeks:

So I was lucky enough to get the weekend off from work so that I could go to OSU Homecoming. My first since leaving Stillwater. It was great seeing all my friends again. It was nice to play catch up with all that I'm missing. Keep in mind these are the same friends I only met and befriended last April. Still, I missed them. It was a great time hanging out and watching awkward movies.

A few of my last posts involved a lot about "doors". Well I'm not going into any detail about those doors, sorry. I just have a feeling each, there are two doors if you weren't keeping up, will be around for awhile. Each will need addressing when that certain time comes. One door was well solidified as to what it was while the other was more of a mystery. That mystery door came out of nowhere and am now excited to see where it's going. I'm no longer staring at that door but have stepped through it.

So onto the exciting part of it. The part I know nothing about. To be honest with you, it was that part that had the most appeal. I'm a big picture person and I saw this big picture as nothing but promising...it sounds like I'm some sort of psychic. The only problem is that the big picture I see isn't a sure thing. But with this door, I'm willing take that risk.

Onto to more recent items. I recently got back from a trip to Hong Kong. It wasn't related to any of my past trips. I tagged along with my dad on one of his business trips. But for him, this trip was different. We went to visit friends of his; one who runs the world's largest golf club (haha, picturing a really big golf club and not the clubhouse) and another who runs a dance ministry. The golf club was ridiculous to see. It covers about 8 square miles and has 216 holes of golf; not consecutive. Ridiculous is the best word I could use to describe it. The dance ministry was also pretty cool to see.

Going on this trip was advantageous for two reasons. 1. I got to visit my favorite city in the world with a loose schedule to see the place. 2. I get to go back to a place that I've been but for completely different reasons.

Seeing Hong Kong was great but there were some heart issues that I've been having regarding why I love going overseas. Is the traveling and seeing new places and eating new things that entice me? Or is it the goals I go with or the people I talk with? Going to Hong Kong/China for no reason whatsoever has really made that clear. I enjoyed seeing the city and all but it wasn't what I loved. I love going with goals greater than myself and leading/showing others what God can do there. I was really glad to have learned that little detail of my travels.

Overview: the last 2 weeks or so have been great. From walking through doors to free couches in Stillwater to long 13 hours flights to Hong Kong and to learning my real motivations for going overseas. I wouldn't change a thing.

east meets west

So in a couple of days I'll be headed to Hong Kong, my favorite city in the world. It is truly a sight to see. The best way I can describe the looks of the city like this; take the lights of Las Vegas, the buildings of Manhattan and the harbor of Seattle and you get Hong Kong. As far as the culture goes... I'm not even gonna try.

I'm tagging along with my dad on a business trip, apparently I'm going as his translator. I'm ok with that because now he's at my mercy. Maybe I'll come up with some tacky phrase I'll trick him into saying, like "Wo shi ni da ba ba". Which is directly translated into "I am your daddy". I'll keep you all informed.

This is my first trip overseas for a reason other than missions. I'll have no team to follow or lead, no grand reason to "suffer" and no village to visit. It's going be different and I'm good with that. For the first time I'll have no mission accomplish and I'll really have time to really assess my presence there. I can really figure out if East Asia is the place for me and that I'm not just in love with going on short term trips because it's exciting or fulfilling.

Other than figuring out my place in Hong Kong, I really have no expectations. I'm hoping to see parts of the city I've never had the chance of seeing and hoping to see some of my favorite spots more than just once. One part I'm actually pretty excited about: getting away by myself. I'll be with my dad pretty much the whole time but getting away for an hour or two a day to explore the city is going to be great. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad but to spend every waking moment with him might be too much.

My dad and I will be in more places than just HK, we are actually going into China for a night. HK is technically not China but that is for another post. We'll be going in to a nearby major city just to the north. I'm excited for this because now my dad gets to see the China I love. I love HK, but not like I love China. We are going into a city I've never been to but I'm hoping to find some good food and see the city for an afternoon.

I'm looking forward to all this, I'm hoping to learn new things and to refine the things I already know. I know this will never happen but I want to be that guy who knows how to move about HK with no problems, to act like I've been there before and to be the guy that people ask travel advice from.

here's to you

After going to Stillwater last night, seeing friends and enjoying nothing but their company I began to realize something. These friends were still new friends. In the grand scheme of my 23 years, I had only really known them for 6 months.

The best 6 months of my life. I have had so much happen in that period of time I not sure where it started. Maybe there was no official start. I'm ok with that, I'm ok with not knowing how all this got started, how I had met some of the best people I know, how I had those late nights I laughed so hard my face hurt (once needed cryotherapy) and how I was going to miss them. I do kind of wonder why I didn't meet them all sooner. Maybe because we were all different people before then, maybe we wouldn't have clicked as well as we had if we had met earlier. You know what, I don't need to know the reason for that either.

Now the last 6 months were not all happy things, yes the joyous events won out in numbers but it was no shutout. I had ended my college career in Stillwater, the town I got so well at knowing. I now had to move back to my hometown of OKC, a bigger city, a city with my old friends. Things were changing. For the better? For the worse? Who knows... I still haven't figured that out. I know two thing however: 1. I miss Stillwater and the people in it 2. I am where I am supposed to be.

Another big change: back to the single life. Something I had not seen in awhile. It wasn't new to me, just different. New doors were being opened. I am now in the middle of figuring out what's been walking through those doors. Sometimes there are more doors than I can count and other times I can't seem to find any doors. Some doors contained nothing, some contained new destinations/careers and others contained ideas I had written off.

6 months, it was all it took to turn my life upside down. Upside down in the very best way. Even with my moving I'm still able to get to those nights of face hurting cryotherapy, apples to apples and even small nights of HIMYM. I have been recently driving to places that I had never driven so often to. I think I've driven to Tulsa more times in the last month than I ever have my entire life. I hope you all are reading into that, I love you all that much.

Here's to the last 6 months...

Oceans 1

Why is it life always seems to speed up when you're not ready. Is it because we're in fact never ready? Maybe it's because our wants change, maybe our needs change. Life will change speeds regardless of my say so what's really the purpose of worrying. However, you cannot sit back and hope for it to return to its previous state.

That being said, there is obviously something on my mind. My life has sped up and I feel like it has sped up without me. Time to play catch up. This intro is getting old...

Meat and potatoes of it: I, Connor P. Hamby, want to work overseas for a purpose greater than myself. I want to travel distances further than I'm prepared for, I want to converse with people I cannot converse with and I want to be uncomfortable. I'm still in the middle of putting the why into words but I just know that they are true. Anyone reading this knows the where of my desires lie. I just love it there, I love the food, I love the people and I love its attitude or lack there of one.

Well my friend overseas emailed me with the plan to get me there. The plan is not tricky but has been tweaked for the recent economic situation. You see the company doing the sending is financially responsible for everyone they send and since times are funny right now they have cut down on their numbers and are only sending people to "high need" areas. The plan is tweaked in such a way so that I end up where I would work best, the place where I want to go and I wouldn't get there till around August of 2010.

The Catch: For all this to go down as planned it needs to start ahead of the curve. I know it sounds like "the plan" is all behind-the-scenes and against the rules but it would really just involve some old fashioned word-of-mouth referrals. It all has become time sensitive. The time has come to get this ball rolling and the plan needs to start right about... sooner than I'm ready for.

I was so ready for this a month ago but things keep popping up. Not even bad things, just things. Things I'm just have to wait out. If anyone knows me well enough, I don't really jump at things quickly, or even at all. Jumping may be a bad verb for me. The only thing I've ever jumped at, maybe, is a second bowl of ice cream. So I'm sure I'll keep writing these things down in the future, as ambiguous as possible of course.

In the words of Danny Ocean to Linus Caldwell, "you're either in or you're out... right now"

a greater obstacle

I really want to fill this page with witty comments and wise banter about how I see this life in front of me. But I can't right now; is it just not in my mind or am I just tired from work or is it not in my genes at all? Maybe this just isn't what I am good at. I have recently discovered, well not discovered but maybe verified, when it comes to telling my stories, I tell them in a very scattered way. Well it's time to just go with that...

Here's out my life goes at the moment, I don't know what to do. I thought I had my goals in place and that I was on the right track to achieve them. I had anticipated there would be obstacles, those little things that would slow you down or make you change a tiny part while still maintaining the original goal.

I didn't know there would be things showing up in my life that I can't even call obstacles, but something bigger than that. They were new directions. But they greatly affect my original goals. Now that I've seen these new things standing in my way, I am not even discouraged. However confusion has become the my main trait.

I now have more than one thing in my field of vision. This one more thing came out of nowhere. It came from somewhere I had never thought of, somewhere I had never been and somewhere truly good. My original goal is so true and so right and so...Connor. What do you I do in the mean time when I come across something else, something that has so much potential, pushes me further than I know how to go and a place I know I will eventually end up anyway. But is the timing right? Is this what I am supposed to see now or is it just the greatest distraction I have ever seen?

Then the fear comes in. Do I continue on my path toward that long-held goal that I know is right for me? It is not a bad way to go, I go ahead and do my original plan and have the time of my life and come back to maybe find a way to do it all over again. BUT if I do that, will that other great plan still be there, be available? There in lies the risk of it all. One plan greatly affects the other. It is even possible that doing one could end the other.

There we go,

I have one great plan for my life. One that would leave me speechless for years.

Then that other came along, that could possibly do the same.

Untitled (really? this IS the title)

Months and months ago my friends inspired me to start a blog, a place where the public can read my thoughts, where others may even learn something about me or just a place to see that I'm nuts.

I'm the type of person that always have thoughts running through my head and I sometimes regrettably over-analyze everything. I don't analyze everything necessarily because I need to figure it out but partially because I find it fun. I'm not sure what makes it so fun, it just is.

There are probably a lot of things I could actually blog about right here but I'm the kind of person that feels like when things are too ambiguous, it's nothing at all. So I'm trying to find a good balance between actually telling details and ambiguity.

If I let the details out then I might be letting too much of me out. If I keep all the details in then I might as well not be saying anything at all.

Blogging=balance beam of information

So...I will be trying to find that balance. The balance or line moves all the time. I can think of two factors that effect this line.

1. How sensitive the information may be to myself or others

2. How comfortable I am with this blogging thing thus just letting stuff out for all to see.

Someday I'll have that story to write. Where all details can be said and the story can be understood fully.

But until that day, I'll be riding that line between too much information and not enough.

Trainwreck

When I listen to music I usually connect it to where I am or what I'm doing. Some music brings to mind exciting, adventurous times, some bring slower, predictable ones, some bring thoughts of random times that leave you questioning why this song sticks to such an odd memory while others bring up emotions you're glad you only lived once.

"Trainwreck" - Mat Kearney

There it is, that's the image I get in my head when I hear this song. I know it's odd but there's more to it than just a crowded chinese shuttle bus.

I'm past the point of returning
For you I'm ruined and broken
There is no way of me turning
You've got my heart in the open

I see it shrink in the distance
In the glow of your glory
And I never will miss this
Bottom line of the story

I see the ocean come crashing
Under lavender skies
I see clouds come flashing
Now tell me, who am I?

Your're the air that I'm breathing
While I'm lying there sleeping
You're the cool of the evening
Now you got me believing,

Trainwreck, I'm a trainwreck for
Trainwreck, I'm a trainwreck
Trainwreck. I'm a trainwreck for
You (Oh lord. yes I am)

I'll kiss it all with a farewell
Goodbye, how you doing
And let it echo in stairwells
All these songs of my ruin

Now watch me climb my own cross
Without a loss for these words
As I motion a moment's silence
Let it fly with the birds

All else I got without you
Is mucha ado about nothing
I'd rather stand by you gone
Than on the throne of another

You had me all from the start
I count it lost every part
I'll sing it out in the dark
You've got a grip on my heart

Where could I turn from you
The darkest nights, you know you'd find a way
What else have I to do
What words are there left to say
You are the air that I breathe in
Here is my heart I give
You are all of my reason
You are my reason to live

These are the lyrics that were running circles through my head for 4 hours. Nothing to see but barren mountains and a muddy river and nothing to smell but the farmers' stock for the market.

But it was during those very moments that I began to realize something big. It was at that very moment that I realized my life was to be ruined, ruined for the better and ruined so that my life may not go wasted. I realized that I could be a part of something bigger than myself. It was something that has become such a good fit for me in every way.

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"

-Frederick Buechner