Trainwreck

When I listen to music I usually connect it to where I am or what I'm doing. Some music brings to mind exciting, adventurous times, some bring slower, predictable ones, some bring thoughts of random times that leave you questioning why this song sticks to such an odd memory while others bring up emotions you're glad you only lived once.

"Trainwreck" - Mat Kearney

There it is, that's the image I get in my head when I hear this song. I know it's odd but there's more to it than just a crowded chinese shuttle bus.

I'm past the point of returning
For you I'm ruined and broken
There is no way of me turning
You've got my heart in the open

I see it shrink in the distance
In the glow of your glory
And I never will miss this
Bottom line of the story

I see the ocean come crashing
Under lavender skies
I see clouds come flashing
Now tell me, who am I?

Your're the air that I'm breathing
While I'm lying there sleeping
You're the cool of the evening
Now you got me believing,

Trainwreck, I'm a trainwreck for
Trainwreck, I'm a trainwreck
Trainwreck. I'm a trainwreck for
You (Oh lord. yes I am)

I'll kiss it all with a farewell
Goodbye, how you doing
And let it echo in stairwells
All these songs of my ruin

Now watch me climb my own cross
Without a loss for these words
As I motion a moment's silence
Let it fly with the birds

All else I got without you
Is mucha ado about nothing
I'd rather stand by you gone
Than on the throne of another

You had me all from the start
I count it lost every part
I'll sing it out in the dark
You've got a grip on my heart

Where could I turn from you
The darkest nights, you know you'd find a way
What else have I to do
What words are there left to say
You are the air that I breathe in
Here is my heart I give
You are all of my reason
You are my reason to live

These are the lyrics that were running circles through my head for 4 hours. Nothing to see but barren mountains and a muddy river and nothing to smell but the farmers' stock for the market.

But it was during those very moments that I began to realize something big. It was at that very moment that I realized my life was to be ruined, ruined for the better and ruined so that my life may not go wasted. I realized that I could be a part of something bigger than myself. It was something that has become such a good fit for me in every way.

"The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet"

-Frederick Buechner